Note: I promise all my posts will not be this lengthy. I have many weeks to catch up on, so thanks for reading anyway!
How can one possibly explain what it’s like to find out you’re pregnant for the first time? I’d say it’s a lot of “squeee” mixed with “no f*ing way” paired with “Ohholyshit, what did we do* added to a lot of “WOW. Just WOW.” And yeah, that doesn’t do it justice at all.
In all honesty, when we looked at the first (wishy-washy) results it didn’t seem 100% real yet. I took another one a few days later and that one, too, seemed to mock us with its vaguery. Two lines? More like one line yelling that I’m pregnant while the other one just phoned it in. I called my doctor the next business day and scheduled an appointment for what they believed would be about the 8 week mark.
Up until that first appointment, you start to analyze EVERYTHING that is suddenly different about your body. For example:
Don’t mind me… if I have to clutch my boobs for dear life when I walk down stairs because ohmygod they hurt so much. Husband, don’t even think about touching them. And forget running, because OWTCH. The boobage pain was constant.
Don’t mind me… if I have a super-powered nose. I could tell you about asking to move to a different restaurant table because I was seated right next to the bar – and a bar mat on the floor that reeked of sour, fermented remnants of beer. (Gagged.) Or the time I sat next to a person on a flight who brought two giant takeout containers of some Asian cuisine that smelled exactly, absolutely positively like rotten, dirty bean sprouts. I fought back nausea for the entire flight and cursed her for just letting it SIT THERE for hours and not even having the decency to eat it. But on the other hand, it’s kinda cool to sit at the airport gate and be able to identify in your 10 foot vicinity what people are munching on without looking. (To my left, some kind of nachos. To my right, fried chicken. Somewhere behind me, pizza. Over there, french fries.) I’ve become part bloodhound. Neat.
Don’t mind me… if I’m superfuckingcranky in the morning. You all know how much I love my coffee. And not only did I wean myself off coffee before my doctor told me I’m allowed to have 1 cup a day, but I’m also going through waves of queasy, icky stomach things up until the moment I eat something. I didn’t matter what it was that I ate, but I needed food immediately or nobody around me was happy. Once I ate? Way better. As for coffee? I still miss it. I’ve tried decaf but my heart just isn’t in it. It seems like nature’s cruel joke to take away the coffee AND quadruple the tired factor. Speaking of.
And finally, don’t mind me… if I yawn 24/7 and wish for my bed all day long. I’m historically a terrible napper and that has unfortunately not changed. I think I took two naps in the whole of my first trimester. But you guys, this is a level of fatigue that no one warns you about. And I know all you moms out there are saying, “oh, just wait, it gets worse”, but bear with the rookie who is just awed by how exhausted she is all the time. It’s crazy.
The world looked and felt different once we took those tests, too. Suddenly babies and pregnant women were everywhere I looked. I wondered how long my pants were going to fit. I worried already about gaining too much weight. I felt a twinge of guilt with my extreme gratefulness that I wasn’t physically sick once. When we went to the movies, I was so accustomed to splurging on a rare Coke with my popcorn that I forgot I should be limiting my intake of caffeine until I’d consumed a lot (oops). I questioned whether I’d be the type of woman who adored being pregnant or if I’d be the type that despised it. Verdict is still out on that, FYI.
But then the day of our first appointment arrived… and it changed everything. It’s one thing to experience the symptoms and see the pee-on-a-stick results. But it’s far more of an impact to have that first sonogram. There it was – a little blob on a screen within shades of black and white – and someone telling us that was our tiny human. Jersey held my hand and shared the amazing moment that changed our world. When that little heartbeat whooshing filled the room, it was everything. And more.
Till next time,