When you don’t know what to say…

This post may suck. I may even delete it after I finish brain-dumping. You won’t care if it sucks (I hope) and you won’t know if I deleted it, because you’ll never see it, muuahahaha.

For the past few weeks, I feel blocked. Nothing I can think of to write about seems worthy or important enough to publish. There are wars brewing across the world. There are celebrities losing their battles with an evil monster. So what do I have to say that can possibly be relevant to post on my little corner of the internet?

My life is so consumed with great things that I feel overwhelmed at times, but I confess, I’m growing weary of writing about wedding planning. I’ve been engaged for nearly a year now and I miss the days when I could write about something other than florals and centerpieces. More accurately, I miss the days when I had TIME to feel the deeper things. Instead, I frantically work my ever-progressing career (grateful) by day and plan my wedding, nurture¬†my relationships with my fiance, family and friends (grateful), grocery shop, clean house, and feebly attempt to eat well and exercise by night. (also grateful)

But the weight of it all is growing to monstrous poundage. I’ve reverted back to some bad habits. I’m not exercising as much (if at all). I’m less inclined to watch what I eat and drink, out of pure exhaustion. I’m having nightmares. Awful ones that strike deeply and remain for days in my psyche.¬†And I know these are all indicative of stress and burnout. I know it, but I don’t see a way out of it… at least not until October.

So instead of pecking away at my keyboard with some amazing, emotional revelation I’m experiencing, I’m writing instead this worry-stone of a post. A post that makes me feel guilty to even express. A post that makes me worry I will offend *someone* with, when in fact I’m writing for purely my own reasons. A post in which I reveal I’m not as perfect as I portray myself to be. And because I know that I rarely show this side of myself on my blog, I know this may be weird to read. But this is me. I am human. I derail sometimes. I am fallible and I feel all of the feels, just like you.

I won’t ask for forgiveness as I reach for the “publish” button on this post. I will only ask for empathy.

genie

 

 

When you don’t know what to say…

5 Responses

  1. Friend, I get it. Please take care of yourself. Please don’t worry about what anyone thinks about your need to do that. And anyone who is offended by your need to express your feelings, well, shame on that person.

    I know October feels far off and I hope that you feel settled by then, if not sooner. You have so much going on right now, it’s perfectly understandable that it would be overwhelming. And good stuff is often just as overwhelming as bad because it means changes. Change is hard.

    I’m always just a (insert modern messaging method here) away. You have a zillion ways to reach me if you need a place to vent or brain dump or be distracted.

    Michelle Longo August 12, 2014 at 11:06 am #
  2. There is so much I could say but sometimes the simplest thing is best: Hugs!!!!!!!

    Anne Marie August 12, 2014 at 11:40 am #
  3. And *that* is why we love you so!!! You give, give, give. Everyday, multiple times to tons of people. Cheers from the Left to taking the good with the bad.

    Netstr August 12, 2014 at 1:24 pm #
  4. Oh girl. I got you.

    Christen August 12, 2014 at 7:22 pm #
  5. You got it! A girl can only handle so much and you’re trying to do it all! I feel a lot of what you’re going through but it’s due to my move. I haven’t exercised since the end of June. I’ve put on weight. I’m eating crappy sometimes. That’s just not me. And I feel bloated and unhealthy. Next week is no better. We are dropping our son off to college at U Miami. But I’m hoping to get back on track the following week and feel like my old self – dare I say – by December. You got this, we got this! It’s a wonderful time for you. It’s normal to be stressed. It will all be good once the party is over and normal life resumes! (and let’s not forget that the party is fabulous. it’s just the stress leading up to it that’s hard).

    Stacie August 12, 2014 at 8:49 pm #

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