I’ve been saving this post for weeks now and I’m so happy to finally publish it! My very dear friend Nette is getting married THIS WEEKEND, squeeeeeee!!! Hope you enjoy this piece on how to be a rockin’ MOH (Maid of Honor) to your BTB (Bride to Be).
MOH 101: HOW TO FULFILL YOUR MAID OF HONOR DUTIES
Make her laugh. My BTB and I are both complete and total idiots by nature. But even so, it’s crucial to keep her laughing at those moments when she’s becoming stabby about the reception tents. Some fun(ny) ideas:
- Send her booze and chocolate with a silly note.
- Take her to the movies or to get a mani-pedi together.
- Arrange a “no-wedding-talk” night out with girlfriends.
- Have inside jokes that only you and she understand. We wound up with so many that we made a spreadsheet of our hashtags, including: #fuckingcupcakes, #makesmestabby #boredoffmyass and #twentypercentmyass. (The latter = The supposed RSVP estimated NO rate. When in actuality, her RSVPs are: Yes – 107 and No – 3. Commence. panic. attack.)
- Make secret, shared Pinterest boards. Trust me, pinning the wedding ridiculousness that is out there onto a board titled “OMGNO.” brings hours of entertainment. Like this.
For the love, be available. Planning a wedding is a lot on anyone. Therefore, if you’re the MOH, do your BTB a solid and have your phone nearby at all times. Answer it. Text back promptly. You are her support system: good or bad, 10am or 3am, East coast or West coast time. Helpful hint: Set her ringtones to something distinctive. If her text noise is a clown horn that goes HONKYHONKY and her ringtone is an annoyed duck who QUACKQUACKQUACKS until you answer, you’re sure to know when she’s reaching out to you! Plus, it cracks you up.
Make her cry (in a GOOD way). Amidst the stress of planning and inevitable drama that comes along with it, remember that at the very base of things you love your BTB and her future hubby. This may sound simplistic, but it is far too easy to be swept up in the noise and forget the whole point of this circus. Happy tears are a great thing. Here are some mushy things to do:
- Randomly send greeting cards to keep her spirits up. Mix it up with the funny, cheesy and sappy.
- Take a few things from her Pinterest boards that are affordable and buy them for her. Things like a possible wedding day nail polish or binder rings to contain all the greeting cards or a potential cake topper? So sweet to receive when you aren’t expecting them. Just be sure to offer the disclaimer that she’s not obligated to use them… you just wanted to get them for her.
- Surprise her by showing up. If your MOH lives far away, knock her socks off and be there when she least expects it. I RSVP’d “no” to my BTB’s engagement party and then plotted with her fiance and bff to show up in person the day before. The surprise appearance definitely caused leakiness and I’m SO glad I was there with her.
- Make your gifts count. I’m not saying to go rogue and buy her a Prada bag. Although it would certainly have a wow factor, she’s probably going to want you to stick with what she’s actually registered for. However, considering your close bond with your BTB, it’s very acceptable to give a sentimental gift that you know 100% will bring more meaning than cash or cookware.
Thoroughly Bachelorette her! Considering the bachelorette festivities are the bulk of your MOH duties prior to the big day, you are advised to be prepared.
- Make damn sure that what you’re planning is something she’d be comfortable with! Yes, think strippers and gyrating male genitalia. You best be sure she’s okay with that possibility, or you maaaaay wind up with a very awkward evening to salvage. Because nothing says weird more than unwanted wang.
- Make it fun for her. Not stressful. See above.
- Keep her enough in the loop. If you want to surprise her, that’s fine. But she will require essential details like where to be when, whether she needs to take a day off work and what she needs to wear.
- Some cheese is good. Too much is gross. Don’t be swept up in the Pinterest overload or a bazillion games or whatnot. Stay focused on the main point. HER.
- I cannot stress this enough: know that it’s work. You will have to corral people and RSVPs and cash money and future Mother-In-Laws. There may be spreadsheets, contracts with restaurants/bars and possibly hurt feelings. It comes with the territory and if you can’t sign up for that much stuff, don’t be afraid to ask for help! I did. Not ashamed. Couldn’t have done it without you, Pearl!
DO NOT put her to work. Your task is to make sure that she is taken care of, from engagement to “I DO.”. Her jobs should not involve helping you make 50 orange tissue paper pom-pom balls the night before her shower because you ran out of time. Have your poop in a loop.
Don’t be one of those people. The BTB has enough on her plate without her own MOH asking a bazillion questions or worrying for her or freaking her out over a potential what-if about her wedding planning. Vent elsewhere or keep your lips zipped. Go with me on this.
Befriend her friends. Chances are you may have known the BTB since you were in rompers, but how well do you know the rest of her wedding party? As her MOH, be receptive to hanging out with them and establishing some semblance of comfort before the big day. I was blown away to hear that my BTB’s favorite moment of her bach weekend was seeing the new and awesome friendship I now have with her close friend, Pearl. It matters. Make the effort.
Expect the unexpected and be prepared to step up. In the months leading up to and especially on the day of her wedding, you will have no idea what curveballs are coming your way. Just remember that it’s your job to make sure she is protected from it. Anyone tries to screw with her? Be prepared to chuck some chairs or throw some elbows. Not really, but you get my drift.
Have you ever been a MOH? What did you learn from the experience?
I’ll be back next week post-wedding and who knows? Maybe I’ll do a followup on how being a MOH went on the big day! Happy weekend!