Building my little corner of the internet has been hugely personal and is an ongoing exercise in slowly coming out of my proverbial shell. It was easy to start a blog about my crazy online dating adventures and CrossFit shenanigans. But I was protected. Anonymous in name and faceless in appearance.
And then I went to Camp Mighty and channeled some of my badassery and started kicking my Life List in the face. And people like The Bloggess and Natalie Bowman and Dana LaRue and Daffodil encouraged me to be brave, be stupid and to really show up on my blog… by putting my face on it. To prove that I’m not just a rando or a fraud or a skeezy old guy in a yellowed wifebeater, yes. But also to really own my words.
To say that this is me. This is my voice. I am really the red/blonde-haired, green-eyed goofball throwing weights around a gym, running half marathons and trying to balance broccoli in one hand and a pint of Haagen Dazs in the other.
So I did. And it’s been amazing ever since.
But not since day one, or in all that time, did I ever tell my family that I had a blog. I was afraid of their hurt, their questions, their resentment about why I’d keep something so big from them.
Until now. I don’t know why I decided to reveal my secret to them recently. Perhaps a part of it was that I wanted to share the amazingness of guest-blogging for Broke-Ass Bride. And perhaps the other part of it was that, as I grow this blog (which I plan to continue!), I would never want them to find out my secret from anyone else, in any other manner, in any other way than directly from me. So I gathered all the chutzpah I could summon, grabbed ahold of this hairy beast and told them personally.
But instead of my fears coming to light, I was met with understanding, compassion and enthusiasm. They got it. They understood my humble request for them to be “ghost readers” and respect it innately. My father humbled me, a man of few words, with his simple “You have a talent. Share it.” It moves me to know that they are cheering for me.
And though it still gives me a bit of the sweatypits knowing that they are reading, it’s also empowering. Because I am proud of my voice, what I have to say and what I can offer this little corner of the internet. And though they may not always agree with what I say, having them with me in this corner is a far better option than not having them know this side of me at all.
Like Brene Brown says, little by little, I’m showing up. I’m being seen.
Can you see me?