I apologized to my mom for being a grump. She was kind and said that she didn’t mean to imply that I was. I responded, “You didn’t have to imply. I was a grump. And here is why.”
Then I systematically listed everything on my plate right now, in an effort to show her that I wasn’t just being crabby to be crabby. That I felt like all of the cliches and internet memes about being overwhelmed. Especially this oldie but goodie.
I’m not often prone to meanness or grumpy behavior, but those unpleasant behaviors usually rear their heads when I’m overly stressed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or deal with anything. I just wanted to be able to go to the gym without knowing I’d have 6 texts, 4 emails, 3 missed calls and 2 voicemails from one person by the time I’d finished with a one hour workout. (yes, this happened)
But I couldn’t escape the demands, the opinions or the things-to-be-decided and it turned me into this.
I was sad and frustrated and dammit – hormonal too, as much as I HATE admitting that. It took me a few days to come out of my funk and stop eating myself out of house and home (and chocolate), but I am finally feeling better. Because I realized a few things.
- Everything I’m stressed, frustrated with or worried about? It’s GOOD STRESS. Every single thing making me crazy at the moment is amazing, wonderful and fabulous in its own way. Well, except the wisdom teeth extraction tomorrow!! But the point is, I’m overloaded in blessings right now. And that IS a blessing in itself! But it all comes down to perspective. Which leads to…
- Happy is a choice. With all that is being piled on me right now, I can continue along my grump path and resent everything or I could choose to be happy. Being the typical Aries, when I get knocked down I don’t stay down for long. I may be bloody and bruised, but I always pop back up eventually and raise my dukes and say, “bring it on, bitches”. It’s just how I roll.
- My support system, excuse my mouth, is fucking amazing. My fiance, Nette, Bertie, my Mom and a few others (you know who you are) have been ridiculously awesome. I love them more than tongue can tell. They help keep me sane, let me cry/vent/yell and remind me without words that I’m not doing this all alone. And they all keep me laughing.
I’ll share one last thing that helped me regain my footing – something my mom shared with me after I’d finished listing off my life’s ‘too much wharrgarbl’.
Just three short weeks after she and my dad were married, he received orders to serve in Thailand. She was 21 years old and her new husband was just sent off to war. She felt lost, grieved heavily and was frightened at the myriad unknowns that come with being a military wife. And one day, after she had been bombarded by coworkers’ opinions as to how she should cope, live, eat and think while he was gone, she came across a copy of the Desiderata. She read it. And she immediately bought it and had it framed. This framed picture still lives in my parent’s home, forty one years of marriage later. I remember it always hung on a wall in every home we lived in, no matter what state in the U.S., but I never knew the circumstances of its acquirement until now.
My dear mom took the time to write out the Desiderata in her email reply to me, hoping that it would bring her daughter some peace and comfort.
And it did.
I want to share it with you, too.
Go placidly among the noise & haste. Strive to be happy.