My Wisdom Teeth Can Kiss My Grits.

Let’s play the game “What Looks Different About My Grocery List”.

Here’s how it usually looks:

  • Almond milk
  • Eggs
  • Egg whites
  • Squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes, onion, spaghetti squash
  • Ground turkey/turkey burgers
  • Chicken sausage
  • Rao’s marinara
  • Ice cream

How it looks for my trip this week:

  • Almond milk
  • Greek yogurt – the biggest tub they have
  • Pudding snack packs
  • Jell-O snack packs
  • Bananas
  • Ice cream
  • Popsicles

No, I haven’t gone on an all-dairy diet. I’m having oral surgery. EW. Let’s not say the word oral anymore on my blog, okay Self? That’s not the way to up your SEO cred.

Um, okay. Anyway.

I’m having my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday morning. Three of them, in fact. The bottom one is impacted but not being mean to me. But the top two are poking through my gums and being kinda douchey about it. Not cool to feel like a teething kiddo at my age.

Wisdom

So, I’ve decided out with them. And NOW.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous-peeing my pants a little bit. Why so fraidy-cat?

Well first, little do you people know just how privileged of a life I’ve led up until now. I’ve never had a broken bone. Never had surgery of any kind, ever. Never been put under anesthesia. Never had a single stitch for a cut or wound.

The most traumatic thing I’ve ever involuntarily had done to my person is an unfortunate ultimate Frisbee accident when I was in grad school. While sprinting for a catch, I didn’t see a patch of dirt-meets-grass and down I went. I’d rolled my ankle and torn three of the four ligaments there. Crutches (which I HATED), physical therapy and the new-found knowledge that hydrocodone causes me to stay awake for 38 hours straight were my worst lessons from that little gem.

That event brought me to the ER, and so did the time in undergrad that I had an unexplained 5-day bout of dangerously high fevers. That one taught me that the world looks verrrrry different when your body is heated to nearly 105 degrees from within. Not an experience I care to repeat.

So the point is, what the hell do I know about getting blackout drugs shoved into my arm and having teeth physically removed from my head, aside from what the doctor himself told me? Only what everyone says: that it sucks. That it hurts. That you get good drugs. That it hurts A LOT. To ice the shit out of your face no matter what. Not to drink out of straws until you’re healed. To stock up on soft foods and cook them in advance. To expect to not be worth a damn for a day or two or more. That someone has to drive me to and from and will probably take a video of my doped-up aftermath that will go viral. Did I mention everyone says how bad it is gonna suck?

Great. Tell “them” that I am going to tour a wedding venue two days afterward and I don’t care if I have to write my questions on a chalkboard worn around my neck. I’m GOING.

I just may look like this guy.

chipmunk-226027

Or this guy.

Anesthesia

Have you had your wisdom teeth out? What’s it like going under anesthesia? How bad is it coming out of it? Am I going to try to grope my doctor?

Help a girl out! (Just please don’t make me really pee my pants… that would be embarrassing.)

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My Wisdom Teeth Can Kiss My Grits.

15 Responses

  1. Don’t worry! I got all four of my wisdom teeth out a couple years ago with general anesthesia, and didn’t have any problems. I mean, it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but I came out of the anesthesia fine, and I was really only out of it for about half a day. It was also my first time ever having any kind of surgery, so I didn’t know what to expect, but with the really good drugs, I didn’t have much pain either. I was up and around in about 2 days, but was on a liquid/ice cream diet for about a week. You definitely need someone to drive you home, and I would make sure someone is on call for a couple days to get you whatever you need so you don’t have to move around if you don’t want to. Load up your DVR, park yourself on the couch for a day or two, and you’ll be fine.

    Sam Merel September 23, 2013 at 11:52 am #
    • Whew, okay this is a great start on the comments, Sam. Thank you for sharing! Yes, my sweet brother is going to handle my transpo and I’ve a few friends who volunteered to be on call for Thurs/Friday. Maybe I’ll finally get through all those Say Yes to the Dress episodes! :)

      50Peach September 23, 2013 at 1:28 pm #
  2. My experience was fun. Here we go:
    #1 I woke up from anesthesia in the middle. They also had novocained me so I felt just a lot of weirdness and starting making noise like AAAANNHHH MWANNNHHH until I heard someone say, “Good God! Turn it up quick.” Then, dark.

    #2 after I really woke up, I was freezing. (After 2 c sections this is always true for me.) I was super ornery and tried to fight my dad and the nurse off so I could walk by myself to the car. Keep in mind: I COULD NOT MOVE MY LEGS.

    #3 I took the pain meds only once and thought they didn’t make me drowsy like they said. Then I woke up four hours later with my face on a keyboard.

    So, hopefully you have that much fun! You could scratch off one of my bucket list items by having someone film you as you are waking up and letting me watch? Ps- did you see the cute video I posted on my fb page of the guy who woke up and didn’t remember his wife? MUST. WATCH.

    Kirsten September 23, 2013 at 12:15 pm #
    • Kiki, you WOULD have an experience like this! I promise I laughed with you. And holy moly, I just *know* I’m going to be ornery at my brother. If he laughs I hope he expects my drugged up wrath and some double bird action. This is also me pretending that you didn’t say you WOKE UP in the middle of the surgery. La la la ignorance is bliss. And yes, that is totes the viral video I’m referring to. Adorable. 😀

      50Peach September 23, 2013 at 1:34 pm #
  3. Had mine out 21 years ago — I only had three wisdom teeth but they were all impacted. I am so sure it is different (eg much better) now, however back then I was so doped up that I passed out in the bathroom of my dorm, blood all over my face from the surgery — the freshman who found me thought I had been murdered. Nobody wanted to eat with me for about a week, because I was so numb that I couldn’t tell when food was falling out of my mouth. Good times. I’m away today through October 1, but will gladly bring you crackers and soup upon my return! Good luck. xo Kass

    Kass Jolley September 23, 2013 at 12:30 pm #
    • Ohmygosh, Kass! How traumatic for you back then!! You are so sweet to offer assistance. Heart you, lady. xoxo

      50Peach September 23, 2013 at 1:36 pm #
  4. don’t worry, pet – all will be well. stock up pre-operation on the soft, smushy foods. queue up some entertainment options. if they give you an option on anesthesia – go all the way under. i made the mistake of having local only (someone gave me some bunk advice that full anesthesia might damage nerves and mess up my horn playing) and it was terriblehorrible.
    good luck, be well!!!
    xoxox

    might-e September 23, 2013 at 12:48 pm #
    • AGGH, right?? They did give me the option and I said I didn’t want that memory in my mind forever. Knock me out!! I’d kick the person who told you that. My understanding is there’s risk either way, so you may as well NOT be awake. So sorry for you. :( xoxox back at you!

      50Peach September 23, 2013 at 1:38 pm #
  5. I’ve been through it too – not to worry. But don’t be skimpy about icing! The best thing I did was follow the instructions and ice my jaw for the first 24 hours. I had almost no swelling or bruising – I even taught a yoga class 2 days later.

    Kristina September 23, 2013 at 1:11 pm #
    • This gives me hope, thank you so much! 😀

      50Peach September 23, 2013 at 1:55 pm #
  6. Don’t listen to the other comments, this will BE HORRIBLE! You will be changed and things will never be the same!!!

    That is what a *friend* told me before I had mine out. Maybe that was a blessing because I was terrified and everything ended up not being bad compared to my imagination. Wisdom teeth are the only procedure I have ever had and if the dentist told me I was a freak of nature and had to do it again, I wouldn’t be that upset. The procedure itself doesn’t hurt a bit. You are sleeping. When you wake up, you are numb. As the numbness wears off, you have some pills to keep the edge off. But essentially, you are just sore. I haven’t torn any ligaments in my time, but I am betting the pain from this will pale in comparison.

    As for what it feels like to go under… The doc tells you to start counting backwards (or something similar) and the next thing you know you will be waking up after. Just like falling asleep.

    Monika had hers out a few years ago. The doc said that some women (not so much men) would become very emotional after anesthesia and to not be surprised if there was some crying. Not the case for my lovely wife. She woke up laughing and trying to tell jokes. It was funny for us because her mouth was stuffed with gauze and we couldn’t make out a single sentence. She said she felt great when she woke up. Then promptly fell asleep on the way home.

    Until you are COMPLETELY recovered, no sucking AT ALL. You forget this and get a milkshake with a straw, you are going to have a bad time. This is the only big gotcha you have to watch out for.

    Two last items (and I apologize for my lengthy comment). 1) Get a bib or lean over the table for the first couple hours when you eat. You will make a mess and you won’t feel it. 2) Don’t be a hero. Take the pain meds for the first couple days when you are supposed to. Don’t wait for the pain to set in to take them. Do this and it won’t ever hurt.

    Chris September 24, 2013 at 10:04 am #
    • Ahh, the reverse psychology tactic. Nicely done, Chris. :)

      Aw, I’m so glad yours was a breeze and I love that Monika was a laugher. I hope I will be too. Because I’m an ugly crier.

      I appreciate the advice and the warnings, delivered in such a gentle manner. I will heed them. You rule, my friend. I can’t wait to need a bib. Awesome. 😀

      50Peach September 24, 2013 at 4:45 pm #
  7. Oh well. I had two impacted and I’m not pretending it was fun. But I got over it. You will too! ICE CREAM OH YES!

    Stacie September 25, 2013 at 9:21 pm #
  8. I had mine out 30+ years ago, when I was 12. All I can say is, be sure to have someone who can get you to the car and drive you home. Keep straws and lots of liquids, ice cream and soup on hand. Also, bags of frozen peas are great to put on the sides of your face. Oh, and have lots of pillows to prop you up, cuz you’ll want to sleep semi-sitting up on your back. Don’t lay on your side.

    They say having all four out at once can be pretty traumatic for your system, so plan to sleep a lot and be kind of out of it for a few days at least.

    Also, to avoid bruising and swelling take Arnica Montana pellets 3-4 times a day for a couple weeks beforehand. It works, I swear.

    Lisa August 31, 2015 at 5:03 pm #
  9. I’m 60 years old and had a wisdom tooth extracted today! Dentist refused to give me anesthesia, got many shots of novacaine ….I felt lots of pressure, I shoke like a leaf, felt like they pulled my eyeball out of my mouth! When novacaine wore off 3 hours later I was nn agony! Had prescription for 4 lousy vicodins. I fdeed tomorrow…….

    Denise July 21, 2016 at 7:50 pm #

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