Let’s play the game “What Looks Different About My Grocery List”.
Here’s how it usually looks:
- Almond milk
- Egg whites
- Squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes, onion, spaghetti squash
- Ground turkey/turkey burgers
- Chicken sausage
- Rao’s marinara
- Ice cream
How it looks for my trip this week:
- Almond milk
- Greek yogurt – the biggest tub they have
- Pudding snack packs
- Jell-O snack packs
- Ice cream
No, I haven’t gone on an all-dairy diet. I’m having oral surgery. EW. Let’s not say the word oral anymore on my blog, okay Self? That’s not the way to up your SEO cred.
Um, okay. Anyway.
I’m having my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday morning. Three of them, in fact. The bottom one is impacted but not being mean to me. But the top two are poking through my gums and being kinda douchey about it. Not cool to feel like a teething kiddo at my age.
So, I’ve decided out with them. And NOW. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous-peeing my pants a little bit. Why so fraidy-cat?
Well first, little do you people know just how privileged of a life I’ve led up until now. I’ve never had a broken bone. Never had surgery of any kind, ever. Never been put under anesthesia. Never had a single stitch for a cut or wound.
The most traumatic thing I’ve ever involuntarily had done to my person is an unfortunate ultimate Frisbee accident when I was in grad school. While sprinting for a catch, I didn’t see a patch of dirt-meets-grass and down I went. I’d rolled my ankle and torn three of the four ligaments there. Crutches (which I HATED), physical therapy and the new-found knowledge that hydrocodone causes me to stay awake for 38 hours straight were my worst lessons from that little gem.
That event brought me to the ER, and so did the time in undergrad that I had an unexplained 5-day bout of dangerously high fevers. That one taught me that the world looks verrrrry different when your body is heated to nearly 105 degrees from within. Not an experience I care to repeat.
So the point is, what the hell do I know about getting blackout drugs shoved into my arm and having teeth physically removed from my head, aside from what the doctor himself told me? Only what everyone says: that it sucks. That it hurts. That you get good drugs. That it hurts A LOT. To ice the shit out of your face no matter what. Not to drink out of straws until you’re healed. To stock up on soft foods and cook them in advance. To expect to not be worth a damn for a day or two or more. That someone has to drive me to and from and will probably take a video of my doped-up aftermath that will go viral. Did I mention everyone says how bad it is gonna suck?
Great. Tell “them” that I am going to tour a wedding venue two days afterward and I don’t care if I have to write my questions on a chalkboard worn around my neck. I’m GOING.
I just may look like this guy.
Or this guy.
Have you had your wisdom teeth out? What’s it like going under anesthesia? How bad is it coming out of it? Am I going to try to grope my doctor?
Help a girl out! (Just please don’t make me really pee my pants… that would be embarrassing.)