After a few weeks have passed, one may find the reality of being engaged starts to set in. Not only because of the questions you’re being asked, but because of the conversations that follow the questions. And it hits you that holy shit, now you have to plan a wedding. YOUR wedding.
How much of a budget will we have? Where will it be? How many people do we want to invite? When is this shindig going down?
It’s not at all easy to digest. But you know how the saying goes: How do you eat an entire elephant? One bite at a time.
I’m happy to report that I’m navigating the questions much more gracefully than at first. I’m thankful I have friends who understand, who know how to talk me off a ledge and who will drop everything and call me at 1am when they’re tipsy because I was an asshole and wanted to apologize. Then they promptly lose their phone. Yes, that last one happened.
Over these weeks, I’ve come to realize even more that it is okay to not have the answers to everything yet. I can give ballpark, broad-stroke answers. I can say that I don’t know or stretch the truth, especially if the question is completely absurd or if the answer is frankly none of the asker’s business.
But most of all, I’ve reached this conclusion: Those who share their experiences and/or opinions are not necessarily trying to impose their ideas upon me. 99.9% of the time, they love me and want to help me. I’ve also humbly accepted the fact that this is all helping to improve my ashamedly horrible level of impatience, so there is another positive. And lastly, I’m treating these moments of shared wisdom as a chance to learn from those who have gone before. Every man,woman, friend, family or total stranger who has ever been married has battled these exact same questions, insecurities, difficulties and financial holy shit moments. It would behoove me to shut my damn mouth and listen. And be gracious about it, for goodness sake.
Yep. Sometimes you have to kick your own ass.
Recently my friend Kirsten asked that her friends “have grace with her”, as she will do her best to “have grace with them” while she was struggling. I’ll ask my friends in the same eloquent words: please have grace with me as I grow accustomed to this insanely crazy time. I will say the wrong thing. I will open my mouth and speak before thinking. I will hurt feelings unintentionally. I am still learning.
And as I am slowly learning and being more receptive to offered opinions, the acceptance makes it easier to start envisioning our big day. I’m starting to dig in and do my research. And THAT is what I’m good at. This Peach is stupidly organized by nature and by profession, and you best believe that the excel spreadsheets are already created – budget listing and all. I’ve put out feelers for venues, discovering just how ridiculously high in cost some places can be, while I slowly arrange the puzzle pieces into what I do and do not want. I’m starting to ask for help from friends, who do not hesitate to come through.
And I’m getting excited. I’m narrowing down my must-haves and running away screaming from the must-not-haves.
I guess I’m not a total weirdo bride-to-be. It just took me a minute to adjust, you guys.
In conclusion, if any of you are wondering – I will have sixteen bridesmaids and the wedding will be in Bora Bora in Winter of 2015. We are registered at Michael Kors and Movado, thank you in advance. And my colors will be salmon and aqua.
Or I could always go the route of Mama June, Honey Boo Boo’s mom.
I could totally pull off camo and hunter’s orange.