My bathroom scale now lives in my garage.

shoot the scale

I would apologize to my bathroom scale for exiling it from my household, but I’m not sorry.

I come from a line of tall, leggy women of Czechoslovakian descent with fair skin, freckles and light eyes. We are not willowy by any means, but nor are we Amazonian.  In my years on this earth, my body has been both heavy and scarily thin. I reside currently between the two extremes. The genetically slow metabolism that I once cursed, I now accept as much as I do my freckles. But always, always, I’ve known “my number”.

Since I started my stubborn “dammit I’m getting healthy” journey just over a year ago, I’ve come a long way and I’m stronger than I’ve ever been in my life. By settling into a mostly-Paleo, clean eating lifestyle (notice I did NOT say diet) in which I am both comfortable and happy, I’ve not only become accustomed to cooking myself healthy meals, I crave them. But I’ve also found there is wiggle room for indulgences in moderation without berating myself for every Oreo or Shock Top beer I consume. Because let’s be honest, tracking every calorie burned vs every bite of food consumed is not only a drag, it’s borderline obsessive compulsive. I enjoy food. I don’t want to hate it.

Changing the way I eat is one thing. Unfortunately, it takes longer than one year to undo decades of self-destructive thoughts.

cannot tell you

So I’ve decided my bathroom scale has to go, because it is lying to me. My current number does not mean I’m out of control. And frankly, it pisses me off that it’s ingrained in my mind that this number is innately wrong. I’m baffled as to why my brain simply will not accept that this number isn’t “bad” (fat) weight – it is muscle weight. I’ve tried to tell it. It won’t listen! Instead, I’m stuck trying (and clearly failing) to warp and morph and mold this number I’ve never been okay with into suddenly being perfectly normal and la la la nothing to see here.  Luckily, I’ve moved past the point where I went shopping and tried to fit my noticeably larger muscular! I DO SQUATS! ass  into the same size skinny jeans that I wore a year ago and had an ugly cry right there in the dressing room. Let’s forget that even happened.

I consistently read and am inspired by the blogs of fellow CrossFit women, all of whom look incredibly fit and swear they never step foot on a scale. I’ve spoken with girlfriends from my gym who also staunchly refuse to weigh themselves unless they are forced to – like in the doctor’s office. For the record, a doctor did a double-take at my friend’s weight and then gave her 5’2″ frame the up-and-down as if to say, “Where is all this hiding???”. Yeah. The girl can deadlift 295 pounds. She’s tiny, but mighty. And listening to them convey their acceptance of “the number”, I want to be like them. Confident in my hard work and how it’s changed me for the better. I don’t want to be possessed by this ridiculousness any longer.

In speaking with the trainer at my new CrossFit gym last night, he guided me to try a new approach. Stop weighing myself, yes. But also: stop counting calories. Stop wearing the Polar heart rate monitor to track how many calories burned. Instead, he gave me a formula for determining the right amounts of protein/carbs/fat grams to consume. He reinforced the importance of the clean eats lifestyle I already follow (mostly) – it’s essentially Paleo, but has moderate allowances for good dairy and the occasional grains.

I’m pumped to try it out, because I’ve reached the point that something’s got to give. Instead of staying chained to the kinds of destructive thoughts that I flog myself with on a daily basis, it’s time to let go. I hereby declare that I’m not going to step on the scale, starting today. It’s time to free myself and rely on my own body and my clothes to tell me what I need. Not a calorie-counting app. Or a heart rate monitor.

And you, Mr. Bathroom Scale, sir? Enjoy living in the garage with the spiders.

Has anyone else chucked theirs out the window? Literally or figuratively? I’d love to know that I’m not the only one out there.  :) And wish me luck!!

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My bathroom scale now lives in my garage.

21 Responses

  1. When I left my husband, I also left my scale and have not stood on one since. I have not been very rigid lately in my eating and I know I have put on about 10 pounds. How? My pants don’t quite fit right, I see it when I look in the mirror. So I am back on track. I used to weigh myself daily, I was over obsessed. Leaving that behind was almost as good as leaving my ex!

    Good for you, you will know when you need to cut back and when you can have some indulgences. It is liberating!

    Jules June 11, 2013 at 6:13 pm #
    • Haha, nice one-two cleanout! I’m proud of you, too. xo

      50Peach June 11, 2013 at 10:15 pm #
  2. So proud of you friend. I avoid that sucker, too. I really would love to find that place where I can get motivated to exercise and eat better. You’re inspiring. Truly.

    xo

    shannon June 11, 2013 at 8:08 pm #
    • Love your face, Shannon. Really. Your accomplishments inspire me more than you know. You just keep rocking out with ruling the world… I say that counts as exercise! 😉

      50Peach June 11, 2013 at 10:17 pm #
  3. I, too, got rid of the scale about 6 months ago. It was so stressful to step onto it because if I saw a number I didn’t like it totally ruined my mood. I decided to try focusing on exercising and eating like a normal person instead. Its still a struggle, but its getting easier for me. I just want to learn to be healthy without worrying about every calorie and cookie. So basically, I hear you sister.

    Samantha Brinn Merel June 11, 2013 at 8:11 pm #
    • It’s so lovely to be heard and understood. Thanks so much. I’m relieved to hear that it’s getting easier for you. Whew. Day One has already made me anxious!

      50Peach June 11, 2013 at 10:18 pm #
  4. I accidentally started rambling on your IG post but let me redirect here since I’ve now read this great post. I totally completely understand the voices in the head thing, they are evil jerks. Sounds like you’re getting great support and healthy advice from professionals so lean on that. Focus on and vitality. It’s no joke! And only wear clothes that fit. B/c fit is stylish and sexy. Also after you get a new item the fits cut the f’ing tag out. Life changer right there. You’re awesome. Keep on keepin on!! xoxo

    Sugarleg June 11, 2013 at 8:25 pm #
    • Ha, ramble away, Sugarleg! You hit the nail on the head about the clothes – if I try on something from last season that no longer fits, I put it in a pile I’ve started for Goodwill. I refuse to cry about it. And yes, now when I shop, I buy what fits and ignore the size. Removing the tag? Genius!! Thanks for the love, love! xox

      50Peach June 11, 2013 at 10:20 pm #
  5. Sorry iPhone typos!! On ferry.

    Sugarleg June 11, 2013 at 8:26 pm #
    • tpyos hapepn. Dont fall in.

      50Peach June 11, 2013 at 10:21 pm #
      • xoxoxo!

        now I need to get MY running shiz together 😉

        sugarleg June 11, 2013 at 11:25 pm #
  6. i’ve struggled with this, and wrote about it. for me, it’s can’t live with it or without it. i’ve tried with out, because i hated being its bitch, but i couldn’t do it. i needed a weekly – even a bi-weekly check in, just to remind myself that i was still on track. it’s a personal thing i think. i have many friend who shun and many who embrace.

    icescreammama June 11, 2013 at 9:25 pm #
    • Oh, it’s a VERY personal thing, no doubt! I may very well decide after a month that I need the knowledge to feel empowered… or I may never look back again. Who knows? I guess the only way to find out is to try. Either way, you are still amazing.

      50Peach June 11, 2013 at 10:23 pm #
  7. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bertie June 12, 2013 at 10:10 am #
    • Thought you’d like that, Bertie! Thanks for letting me vent IRL about this topic and not telling me to shaddup already. 😉

      50Peach June 13, 2013 at 7:22 pm #
  8. I used to weigh myself everyday & get really upset if I gained even an ounce. I finally stopped weighing myself for about a year, but I noticed that when I did that, the weight crept back on because I’d let my habits go south. I realized I need at least a weekly weigh in just because it helps me think about my eating. I also happen to be a compulsive eater though, so I’m not really aware when I eat a whole box of cookies until I step on the scale and go “oh, yeah, I forgot about those Girl Scouts…” But if you’ve got healthy eating habits and maintain them, then no – the number doesn’t matter. What matters is health. More power to you, girl!

    nataliedeyoung June 12, 2013 at 2:00 pm #
    • Oh, man. Thin mints or Samoas? Wait… You distracted me with cookies. 😉

      Oh. Yes! Health! Agree, the key is to maintain the habits and motley slips become routine. Everyone is different. Glad you found what works for you!

      50Peach June 13, 2013 at 7:23 pm #
  9. You got this Peach! We all know muscle weighs more than fat. You look fantastic, so keep up the great work!

    I’m glad your scale went into the garage.

    Stacie June 12, 2013 at 4:28 pm #
    • It quite likes it there.

      Thanks, gorgeous!

      50Peach June 13, 2013 at 7:24 pm #
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