So just now, I was laying in bed at 3pm on a Saturday after brunching and boozing it up with a friend, trying in vain to nap off the copious amount of carbs I just consumed. Did I ever tell y’all that I cannot nap to save my life? I never learned how, which is bollocks. And while I was laying there unable to sleep, I decided to roll my buzzed self out of bed and write this post instead. So excuse the ADD-ness of my writing. Blame the Bloody Mary and 2 mimosas. Moving on…
I met Shannon here on the interwebs, through Yeah Write. They hosted a grid for NaBloPoMo, where you have to write a blog post every day for 30 days. We at the Yeah Write grid were assigned rowmates, or “rowmies” as we called ourselves, and that let us get to know each other very well. When you read the words of one person every day for 30 days, you learn a lot. Shannon and I have kept up with each other since. She’s kinda awesome.
Well, Shannon’s recent post about body image as it relates to ourselves and our offspring (current or future) inspired me. Oh, and if you really want some bravery and aren’t too uppity about bodily functions, she wrote about pooping in front of your spouse, too. F’ing hysterical.
But back on track, Peach… along the lines of loving yourself as you are, I’ve gotten a lot of inquiries lately about how I’ve been handling the adjustment to showing my face on this here blog.
I must say, it’s been wonderful. Freeing. Not only do I no longer have to chop my head off of every pic I post here or on Instagram or Twitter, but y’all for some reason think I’m not horrific-looking. Yay for moi.
No, seriously. I cannot thank my readers enough for the support you’ve shown me. It goes a long long way with me that you loved me for my words when I was anonymous, but you love me even more now that you can put a face to the stories. I’m happy I had the courage to do the big reveal and have no regrets. Here are some more of me lately, just for good measure, and because Shannon gave me the ladyballs to post em. This is me. Dorkiness and sweatiness and all.
Last night I was watching the Super Soul Sunday that featured Brene Brown appeared. She and Oprah were speaking of identifying the most terrifying emotion out there… JOY. Why joy? Joy is happy. But with utter, incredible, mind-blowing joy comes fear. Fear that this indescribable joy is short-lived or undeserved, and will end as suddenly as it appeared. It’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, because there’s no way in hell anyone deserves to be this happy.
Remember my post when I thanked the Universe in shouty capitals for all the good things hitting me lately? Yep – after I wrote that, so many of you commented how happy you were for me and I was flying on the high. Well, like Brene said to Oprah, you have to grab onto those moments of joy and be grateful in the moment. Do not take them for granted, not even a little bit. And I did appreciate them. For a little while. But I crash-landed pretty soon after that.
This cannot possibly last.
Something bad will happen soon.
What if everything falls apart, when I’ve worked so hard to get here?
Brene calls it “foreboding joy”. It’s when we try to self-destruct our own happiness because we think we don’t deserve it.
And it’s bullshit. We have to live our lives and BE NEKKID. We need to put ourselves out there, exactly as we are, into the unknown, living through the unexpected and dealing with the messes as they come. We should be posting pictures on our blogs of our faces and bodies despite our ridiculous insecurities of our physical makeups, because what matters more is who we are and what we have to say. We should be saying and doing exactly what makes us happy. And we should be finding the love and the laughter in our people that truly see us, each and every day.
Yes, I was pretty down in my last post. But I’m not the type to wallow for long. Instead, I’m focusing on the whos and the whats that are most important, instead of what judgments may or may not be passed down. To be happy. Right now.
Brene says to show up and be seen.
I say to show up and be seen, and while you’re at it… be nekkid. It’s more fun.