Stumbled upon the blog The Petite Athleat last week and wow, that girl is crazy-fit! I urge you to go read and don’t say I didn’t warn you if your jaw drops at what she is capable of. Reading Courtney’s stories got me thinking about my very rocky relationship with my own body.
Before I share, let me show you a little token reminder that lives in my kitchen.
That sign is the first thing I notice every morning as I stumble towards the coffee machine. I’ll let the highlights of my body battle explain.
- Late bloomer. Puberty avoided me until the summer before I started high school. I was stuck at a chunky 5’2″ throughout middle school. Add to that the horrible pseudo-mullet haircut, ENORMOUS glasses, and neon-NKOTB-scrunchied fashion… brutal adolescence. BRUTAL, I tell you.
- Tall and gangly. As a freshman, I shot up 7 inches in one year and started to develop. (BOOBS! FINALLY!!!) Cool, except I didn’t pay attention to what I ate.
- Large. By age 18, I’d packed on a substantial amount of weight. I was the Amazonian soccer goalie. People didn’t fuck with me. And I had big boobies. As in…38Ds. Wowza.
- Large and unhappy. My college weight stayed more or less the same, but the damage was done. I was not small. (did wonders for my love life, let me tell you…) Looking at pictures from that time, I see a very round moon-face with chubby cheeks and a double chin. Very big thighs/hips. Size: 14. I was not able to shop for jeans at Abercrombie or Express or Gap like all the other cool girls. Their biggest sizes were all too small. That stung. A LOT. Max body weight : 180+. I stopped getting on the scale after seeing one-eight-zero.
- Less large. In grad school, something shifted. Did not exercise, just smoked, drank, played pool till all hours of the morning and stressed out about classes. Metabolism change? No idea. But my face and body leaned out somewhat. Lost 15. Became more confident. Quit smoking. Started seeing boyfriend #1.
- Average. Dropped out of a doctoral program and moved to the NE without knowing a soul. Boyfriend #1 relationship ended. Job was terrible. Lost another 15 from stress, and from barely being able to both: pay rent or eat. Some months I had to choose. Started smoking again. <– I am an idiot.
- Thin. Got a new job that doubled my salary. Met a yoga instructor through friends and fell in love with Bikram. Quit smoking again and followed the Best Life Diet strictly. In 6 months, I shrank another 5-10lbs, but my BODY shifted more than the scale. Once size-14 hips were suddenly fitting into sizes 6-8. Met boyfriend #2.
- Too thin. The next 4-5 years in the NE, up until August of 2011, I slowly lost more and more weight. Not from trying to, but from being miserable. I was eating, but I was so unhappy my body wouldn’t hold onto anything. My face became sunken in my cheekbones and eyes. I had no boobs and a sadly deflated booty. Friends were worried about me and urged me to eat more. (hence the sign) Yes, it got that bad. Minimum body weight: 128. At 5’9″ that equals skeletal.
- SkinnyFlabby. In August of 2011, I picked myself up literally and figuratively and moved South. Thanks to sweet tea, barbeque, and Chick-fil-A, I put back on about 10 lbs. But I felt jiggly. Weak. Out of shape. Still smoking. Decidedly NOT SEXY.
That brings us to the reasons I started PPC in April 2012. Two months later after completing 15 personal trainer sessions, spending 5-6 days a week doing a mix of strength training, cross training and cardio, and quitting smoking… I now weigh a healthy 140lbs. I’ve lost an inch in both my waist and hips, but gained a ton of muscle. I guess when you start from nada, it’s easy to see results.
- HEALTHY. I’ve totally caught the fitness bug and I’m loving every second of it. It’s fun to learn about what my body needs to refuel after burning 700-800 calories of cardio vs. 200-300 calories of heavy lifting. Macro-nutrients and protein shakes are two things I NEVER thought I’d be concerned with, but here I am. I left my “EAT” sign up because it still applies, albeit for different (healthier) reasons now. Food is my fuel.
Like I mentioned in my last PPC update, it’s been difficult to overcome the mental hurdle that YES, I need to eat 2000+ calories of healthy proteins, carbs, and veggies every day. It seems counter-intuitive, but the last few days of eating MORE, meeting my calorie/protein/carb goals, I’ve lost 1.5 lbs as a result. SO WEIRD.
I know I will get stronger, every single day. The goal is simply to be the best version of me.
And want to know a secret? I have dreams of becoming a CrossFit badass. And a marathoner. I bet I can do it.